Broken Glass

"Some of us were made to be broken. Like a shattered piece of glass, when light shines through us it casts a more beautiful pattern of light than it would through a glass fully intact. But for us broken it is easier to hide in the shadows where no one can see our faults. Stand tall and proud and do not hide. When they see you, broken soul, they will marvel."

Think of the most inspirational stories you've heard. Are they not about someone broken who refused to stay down? They are about someone who, despite their odds and faults, chose to do something better than what people would have said was fine considering their circumstance. The broken will crash or they will fly. Come out from the shadows and take a leap of faith.

By Fire

By Fire

God has a purpose.

This past week, I have been facing some temptations and thoughts that I have not struggled with in awhile. Some of them have been absent for over a year or more. It all was harder to deal with, making me more stressed, because didn't seem to be any real trigger for any of it. Last night I was having a bit of a breakdown.

I ended up talking to a good friend of mine some time after 2am Her and I seem to always have conversations centered around God and Christ and encourage one another. Last night was no different. She helped me see things in the right perspective and I brought my thoughts and temptations before God. Unsurprisingly, I was relieved right away.

Because I was physically and somewhat emotionally drained from the previous night, I was very tired sitting in my 8am class. I had a break until my 10am class and wanted to take a nap but had some things to do. After my 10am, I had another break and went to my car. I fell asleep very easily.

I woke up from a haunting dream. I've been having scary dreams this past week and at first thought it was no different. But something felt different this time.

I don't remember all of the details of my dream, but I remember enough. There were a lot of people in pain, screaming, wailing, and people dying. The horror of it all had people killing themselves. People were setting themselves on fire. I too became engulfed in flames. I lay there, waiting to die, and feeling at peace about it as the fire consumed me. Suddenly, I no longer felt like dying. Something stirred inside of me that told me to go on. My mind said that my body was too burnt and broken to stand up and move, but I felt I had to try. I stood up and the flames went out.

Instead of pain, I felt at peace. There was a mirror on a wall in front of me. Smoke damage had made the reflection unclear and I could hardly see myself. I could see enough to see that I was burnt and scarred, broken and ugly. But underneath all of that, I felt that I was made clean.

I woke up and for a moment was unable to move. I didn't even feel like I could breathe. After a moment breath came back to me and I could sit up. My soul, mind, and body were at a complete peace. It took my awhile to fully comprehend the dream.

I was purified by fire.

It is something that I've thought about many times in my life. The analogy of being purified by fire is one I use often. This past week suddenly made complete sense: God was reminding me of who I was, and today reminded me of who I've become and who I am to be.

As I said, the analogy of fire is one I often use. I typically relate it to sword making. When a bladesmith is making a sword, he must put the sword in fire and heat it to scolding temperatures. The steel must be heated until it glows orange to work with. Steel becomes red somewhere between 1200 and 1500 degrees Fahrenheit. It becomes orange around 1800 degrees. When it is orange, the bladesmith takes it out and begins shaping the steel. The steel is placed on an anvil and is hit with a hammer in order to lengthen the blade. It is then put back into the fire until it is red, and shaped with the hammer in sections of 6 to 8 inches. This is repeated until the whole sword is done. During this process, the sword is occasionally allowed to normalize. This means it is put in the fire, and then sat out to cool without being worked on. Normalizing the blade makes it smooth. After another step or two, the blade is polished and finished.

It takes fire and hammer to make the sword as fine as it can be. Just as it takes trials and tribulations for us to become the instrument God wants us to be. He is the bladesmith and we are the blade.

I was thinking about all of the things in my past that have most defined me, and very few of them were good times:

It took my grandfather's death for me to start thinking that there must be more to life than simply living.

It took me realizing I was weak for me to become strong.

It took me treating a girlfriend horribly to understand how to treat a lady.

It took me taking some of her innocence to know what it meant to respect a woman's body.

It took depression for me to become humble.

It took me wanting to die before I could find the true reason to live.

It took me having no reason to live to see that God was the only reason to live.

It took depression, anxiety and fear problems and trying to overcome them by worldly means to find that God was the only person or thing that could bring me lasting and unending peace and joy.

It took me realizing I could never be good enough on my own before I could fully give my life to Christ for salvation.

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I pray that it does not take you such great trials to realize what I have come to learn.

Covered by the blood, washed by the water, purified by the fire.

Romans 5:1-11 Peace with God Through Faith

1 Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. 3 More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. 6 For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. 7 For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 9 Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. 10 For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. 11 More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10 Strength In Weakness

7 So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.